(man, woman chattering, faint)
WOMAN: You're not allowed to do that.
Barbara, the boys can take their shoes off and leave them in the kitchen. All right?
Yeah, all right, John.
Hello, Mavis. All right?
BARBARA: All right, that's it. You take your shoes off out there, eh?
You too, Mark.
JOHN: That's right, Barbara. Under the radiator.
- Yeah, all right, John. - JOHN: That's it, Colin. Well done.
- BARBARA: All right? That's a good boy. - You can take your coat off now.
- Can you take my coat, John? - Mmm. Can he manage?
Yeah, of course he can.
- Can I take your coat, Mark? - No. I'm wearing it.
Fine. No problem. As you will.
- Come on, Mark. Shoes off. - Oh, yes, Auntie Barbara.
Good boys, aren't we?
- You all right, Mavis? - Don't call me Mavis.
Look at the state of your jeans.
- It's mud. - I can see it's mud.
Right. I'll just pop upstairs and put my shoes on, eh?
Out of my way.
- What you been doing? - Nothing.
- Look at the state of your trousers. - It's mud.
I can see it's mud. How am I gonna get them cleaned?
Wash 'em.
You make a fuss about everyone taking their shoes off right outside the front door.
JOHN: Well, I didn't want a mess.
BARBARA: Somebody could break their neck on that coming up the stairs.
- It's all right, Barbara. Don't worry. Relax. - I am relaxed, thank you.
- Get down. - No.
- You'll break it. - Good.
- Then you can pay for it. - What do you care?
- BARBARA: What are you up to, Mavis? - It's done now.
- Come on. You go and sit down. - What you doing? I've just done them.
Well, I don't use this tray for tea, see. It's my special morning coffee tray.
- Down from there, Mark, please. - Yes, Uncle John.
Thank you.
- Can I give you a hand with the tables, Barbara? - Yes, please, John.
- We'll put them all out again. - All right.
Don't worry, Frank. Tea up soon.
- BARBARA: That's it. Mind yourself. - There you go, Frank.
- I'll pass this over to you, John. - When you're ready, Barbara.
- BARBARA: Right? - JOHN: Oh. Careful.
- Oh, no, no. Leave that, Mavis. - I've got it now.
It's pointless without the milk.
I'll get it then. It's only in the kitchen.
No, you come and sit down. I'll get it.
- Mind yourself. Mavis! - Get out of my way.
Look, you're really starting to get on my nerves a little bit now, Mavis.
Come on. Give me that. That's it. Pour it out in the jug so we can serve it up nicely.
This lawn needs a trim.
I thought you were gonna have one of them canopy things.
- Patio, yeah. - Oh, yeah, patio.
- What happened to that then? - Well, we thought about it, Frank.
You know, with the patio doors.
But, uh, I rather fancy a picture window myself.
- A what? - Picture window.
Yeah, no wood. Straight down to the floor. Very nice effect.
Lots of light and space. Just one big pane.
That's the in thing now, is it?
Well, I don't know about that, Frank, but I like it.
- FRANK: Oh, well, it's your money. - That's right.
Do you get many burglars around here, do you, John?
No, we don't. Touch wood.
See what's on TV, eh?
- MARK: It's a doddle, this house. - Why? Have you been casing the joint, Mark?
- It ain't worth it. - FRANK: Listen to him.
The master criminal.
- Can you give me a good-bye kiss then, Mark? - Yeah, all right then.
- (kisses) - Oh. Charming.
You'll give me a nice kiss, won't ya.
Ooh. Got something for you.
(Mark muttering)
Here you are. Just a little treat for you on the way home.
- Now what you giving him? - Marshmallows.
I think Mum's feeling a bit better now, isn't she?
I don't know.
Well, pop round and see her next week, eh?
- Well, it's been nice seeing you, Mavis. - Ta-ta.
- FRANK: See you Christmas then. - JOHN: Yes, I look forward to that, Frank.
- Won't be long. - All right, then.
- Drive careful, eh? - Okay.
Colin.
COLIN: See ya.
(children chattering, faint)
(TV: Audience laughing)
(TV: Audience continues laughing)
(TV: Audience laughing, applauding)
SINGER: One, two, three, four!
N' (record player: Punk rock)
(Mark muttering)
N' (punk rock continues)
I think we should do something a bit more adventurous for the Gillespies this year.
Well, they don't like anything adventurous, do they?
Look what happened to her with the fondue.
- We could do steak again. - No, chops.
- Can't give 'em chops. - Why not?
Well, they can have chops any old time.
Oh, well, you choose. He's your boss.
I don't suppose she can taste it anyway at the rate she shovels it down her throat.
- Are we friends again now? - What do you mean?
You've been walking around all day with a face as long as a poker.
I haven't got much time for Mavis and that family.
Well, I haven't got much time for your boss and his fat wife.
Well, at least the Gillespies aren't rude when they come here.
Who's been rude to you today, apart from Frank?
- Mark. - Mark's not rude.
You just don't appreciate his sense of humor.
What sense of humor? The boy's immature.
- And Colin wouldn't say “boo” to a goose. - Colin's just retarded.
He's not retarded.
Just never been given a chance.
You could be a good influence on those boys if you wanted to be.
- Who, me? - Yeah.
- They're not my responsibility, Barbara. - Oh, well...
They've gotta learn to stand on their own two feet.
Yeah.
I want to redecorate this room. It's depressing.
Do you know, before 1980 the last time England won the Grand Slam was in 1956?
- Was it? - Mmm.
WOMAN: Have you left it at home?
Where do you normally keep it?
- Pocket. - Which pocket?
Trousers.
- What's your name? - Colin.
Surname.
- FRANK (whispers): Pollock. - Pollock.
WOMAN: Initials?
- What's your middle name? - Richard.
- Address? - 111 Bryant Court, Western Road, London E2.
Write your name on this piece of paper.
- Here. You can do mine while you're waiting. - No, you wait your turn.
Wasn't jumping the queue, was I?
I didn't say you were.
Just thought I'd save you a bit of time, that's all.
I'm not in a hurry. Are you?
Yes, I am.
Sign that.
WOMAN: Make sure you find that card.
We'll only have to make you another one.
It just makes more work for us.
You should take care of it.
- Yeah, all right. We don't want a lecture. - WOMAN: What business is it of yours?
I'm talking to him.
Thank you.
Can I have my pen?
You're his father, aren't you?
You done any work in the past two weeks?
I asked you a question.
Of course I haven't.
Have you got kids?
Beg your pardon?
(chattering)
What you trying to do, eh?
- Done any work in the past two weeks? - Yeah.
Been working for the police.
Giving them information about various robberies...
and murders.
No, that was the week before last.
This week I'm spying on dole office workers,
determining their movements between 12:00 and 2:00 in the afternoon.
You don't make our job any easier, you know.
We're not talking about your job. We're talking about our jobs.
- Can I have my pen, please? - Our pen.
Ooh. No. Who is this suss?
- How you going? All right? - Yeah, all right.
Come on.
See you later.
- Right. - See you later.
- Okay. - See ya.
Yeah!
- (laughing, shouting) - Whoa!
There you are, Coxy.
- (grunts) I can't get through. - Here you are.
- (burps) - Give us a drop. Come on.
- I pissed in it. - Good.
- It's lovely, innit? - Yeah.
- Give us a quid. - Nah.
- Why not? - You won't pay me back.
I will!
Shut up.
- Where we gonna go then? - (spits)
Steakhouse!
Which one?
That one.
Where's that one?
It's over there.
- Where's “over there”? - Up Jack's arse and round the corner!
You're really thick, you are.
I ain't as thick as you.
No one's as thick as me.
You're thick...
- I'm hard. - (chuckles)
That's right, innit?
Come on, Samson.
(bums) Oi'.!
- (Coxy giggles) - What a waste, eh?
On me head.
Don't flob at me.
♪ >♪' Everybody was kung fu fighting I
(Coxy spits, makes quacking noises)
(COXY giggling)
- ♪♪' (IV: Dramatic) - MAN (on IV): That's it. One down.
WOMAN (on TV): No! Stop!
N' (continues)
That's a Colt .45, innit? Where's this meant to be anyway?
Mars, innit. It's supposed to be red, Mars.
That's what I thought.
- ♪♪' (continues) - WOMAN (on TV): Hey.
- MAN: What? - WOMAN: Come on.
Look at that.
Always gotta be between the sheets, innit?
Spend half their bleeding lives in bed.
What's the time?
- Who cares? - Time you got a watch.
- J "J" (watch beeping “Three Blind Mice”) - Oh, leave it out, dobbin!
MAVIS: Colin, turn it off.
- FRANK: 25 to 7:00. - Colin!
N' (melody stops)
About time you come home with that Caribbean holiday, innit?
- Got any money? - No.
What's the matter? Suppose you've blown all yours, have you?
What's it got to do with you?
It's my house. That's what it's got to do with me.
- It's my house and all. - It's no! Your bloody house.
- I live here. - Yeah, don't we know it.
I pay part of the rent.
Yeah, well, let's see your giro on that table next Tuesday, no messing.
So you're skint then, are you?
- You want money, get out and earn it. - What, like you?
I've done my stint, mate. Don't you worry.
What, on the never-never?
What's that supposed to mean?
You don't own nothing.
Course I do.
- What? - You're sitting on half of it.
- What, this chair? - Yeah.
How can one chair be half of a three-piece suite?
Always got to have the chat, ain't he, eh?
WOMAN (on TV): You take some beating, you know?
You don't own this chair, don't own this flat, don't own nothing.
- (TV: Horn honks, tires screeching) - (TV: Woman screaming)
- (sighs) - Not enough legs on it.
- Seen Michelle? - What?
- Michelle. - Michelle who?
- You know. Michelle. - Oh, Michelle. No, ain't seen her.
Oh, all right. Thanks.
Three and seven. 37.
Two and six. 26.
One and six. 16.
Eight, o. So.
Seven and five. 75.
All the eights. 88.
Eight and nine. 89.
By itself, number 4.
Four and three. 43.
One, 0. 10.
One and five. 15.
By itself, number 7.
- Two and five. 25. - WOMAN: Here!
- Claim on 25. - (players exclaiming)
Oi! Wally.
On it soon, eh?
He's been taking the Bostick Strangler, ain't he?
- Doing a bag of Evo. - He'll kill himself.
He's all right.
MARK: Get us a drink.
Leave off. You're the one with the money.
- What do you want then? - I'll have a pint of Babycham.
- All you'll get is a slap. - Oh, you reckon.
- Oh, I'm frightened. - Yeah, you look it.
- I'll get me brother onto you. - Oh, leave it out.
Here, why don't you get him one. Get him a lemonade.
He might not want one.
- Well, that's all right, innit? - Yeah, it's all right, innit?
- Yeah, it is, innit? - Oh, it is, innit?
Oi, cheerful. Want a drink?
No, I'm all right.
Get her a drink. Go on, get her a scotch.
- Hey, mate. - What?
- Do you want a drink? - Yeah.
Piss off, you black bastard. No, I'm only joking.
- Want a pint of lager? - Yeah, a pint of lager.
(whistles) Two pints of lager, please, love.
- No, three pints. - You ain't getting one.
- Why? - 'Cause you're an ugly bastard.
Ugly.
(man cackling)
- (cackling continues) - Whoo!
Whoo! (Laughing)
- (burps) Get out and walk. - (laughing)
(laughing continues, loud)
See you later, boys.
(loud laughing continues)
Whoo-whoo-whoo-whoo!
Where you been?
Go down the pub?
No, I went down the pub.
Did ya?
Nah, I went up the pub, muppet.
Went to see a dog about a man.
Where do you think I've been? I've been to work, ain't I?
- You ain't got a job. - I have.
- What? - Working for the organization.
Ten pound a night, three nights a week.
Liar. You ain't got a job.
Don't call me a liar, right? You don't even know what it is.
I'll get you a job. All you got to do is lick my arse, Kermit.
- Don't call me that. - Kermit. How's Miss Piggy?
You given her one lately?
Course I been down the pub.
Guess who was there?
She really likes you.
Hayley-
You know the bird I mean, don't ya?
Quasimodo's daughter.
You're well in there. She loves intelligent people.
Give us a fag.
One for me and one for Ron, later on.
♪ Mah Na Mah Na ♪ N' (vocalizing)
♪ Mah Na Mah Nà, na-na-na-na ♪
♪ Mah Na Mah Na ♪ N' (vocalizing)
N' (vocalizing continues)
Turn the light out, Kermit.
- Frank, come in here a minute. - What's the matter?
- It won't open. - What won't? Your mouth?
Look, I'm the only one who does anything around here!
FRANK: Blimey, old pal. Can't I have five minutes?
- MAVIS: It's stuck. - FRANK: What you supposed to do then?
MAVIS: You push that and the door opens.
- FRANK: Have you tried that one? - MAVIS: That's the economy wash.
FRANK: All right, all right.
MARK: Buggered, innit?
- FRANK: You'll have to go and tell 'em. - MAVIS: Who?
- Where you got it. - What am I supposed to tell 'em?
- Take it back. - Well, we've had it three years.
MAVIS: Oh, mind, Mark.
- FRANK: Have you paid for it? - MAVIS: What do you mean, paid for it?
I mean, can we call it our own? That's what I mean.
- MAVIS: Paid enough. - Then you've paid for it, have you?
- MAVIS: Well, I don't know. - FRANK: That's handy. You don't know.
- MARK: Dynamite it. - MAVIS: Shut up.
FRANK: You haven't finished paying for it, have you?
I haven't paid for all of it.
MARK: Yeah, you've paid for the door, and that bit don't work.
COLIN: Get a new one.
MAVIS: Who pulled your chain, Colin Pollock?
- MARK: Tell you what. - What?
Why don't you get a goldfish and stick it in where you put the powder.
Wonder how much new ones are.
COLIN: Goldfish?
- MARK: Nah, piranhas, you muppet. - COLIN (mutters): Don't call me that.
MAVIS: Colin, stop talking. Come in here.
- You try. - What?
MAVIS: Opening the door!
Boot it.
No! Go on. Get out.
(Mavis sighs)
MARK: Why don't you go down the launderette, Mavis?
Don't call me Mavis. I ain't going down there. Bloody filthy.
Now...
- Colin, are you listening to me? - Yeah.
That's a washing machine. That's a drier.
- I know. - I know you know. Just telling you.
Mind your head.
You put 10p in the slot and turn the knob.
Put another 10p in, turn the knob again.
Now, here. Two tens.
When that stops, you put the washing in there and bring it home. Don't mess it up.
- Can I have some fag money? - What do you want fag money for?
Cigarettes.
Get your own.
Ain't got no money.
Doing the washing for your mum?
Yeah.
Broke down, didn't it?
- What? - Washing machine.
- What, you got one in your house? - Yeah.
- Have ya? - Yeah.
What, have you been messing about with it?
No.
- Then what you been doing? - Nothing.
- Ain't you been out? - No.
- Just stayed in? - Yeah.
- Did ya? - Yeah.
You going out?
- When? - Don't know. Tonight?
Don't know.
- I ain't got no money. - I have.
- Have ya? - Yeah.
- Where did you get it from? - Nowhere.
What, did you nick it?
No.
All right?
Dobbin.
He's mad, your brother.
- Keeping an eye on you then? - No.
Oh, yeah, I saw Evette Saturday.
- Did you? - Yeah.
- Where? - At the market.
What's she doing?
HAYLEY: She got a little boy now, hasn't she?
- Is she married? - Yeah.
Don't know what he's like.
Must be stupid. (Chuckles)
He's a nice little boy though.
- What's she call him? - Darren.
What are you calling yours?
- Going out? - No.
- Where you going? - New York. I'm flying.
And you ain't coming with me. All right?
N' (radio: Classical)
♪ >4' Oh, I'm tasty, tasty I
♪ >A' Very, very tasty A'
COXY: Right. Thirteen right in the corner.
(cue hits ball, balls clacking)
Take the three ball.
(balls clacking)
Colin.
- Do you want a drink? - No, it's all right.
Go on, have one.
- Yeah, all right then. - Colin, get Hayley a drink.
Nice one, dobbin.
What?
COXY: Oi! Oi, it's your go!
I'll take his shot.
COXY: You're on spots.
What do you want?
- Are you sure? - Yeah.
- I'll have half a lager and lime, please. - Right.
Oi. Oi, Colin.
You're a wally.
Beat you.
Oh, skills.
He's a jammy bastard.
Taught me everything I know.
I taught him everything he knows.
Is that why he don't know nothing?
- Give us a kiss. - Nah.
Go on.
Whoo!
A rude boy, ain't he, Hayley?
(balls clacking)
Going on your holidays, is ya?
- No. - Why not?
Just not.
- What about your mum? - She's going to Spain.
Why don't you go with her?
I don't want to.
She's all right, your mum, ain't she?
- What's the matter? - Nothing.
- Don't you like me or something? - (scoffs)
What about me brother? Do you like him? He likes you.
Have you ever read The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe?
Eh?
See ya.
Kermit. See ya.
Look at that.
Sixteen years old.
- Schoolgirl showing her all in a paper. - Give us a look.
- It's yesterday's. - Don't read that.
She ain't got nothing to show anyway.
Well, how comes there's steam coming out of your ear holes?
Typical of your generation, that is.
You ever tried to make a phone call round here?
Gotta walk miles before you can find a box that ain't been ripped out, vandalized.
- Why? You got her number then, Frank? - Eh?
- Give us it. - (scoffs)
Do you think I'd go for a little scrubber like that?
No, you only go for decent women, don't ya.
Married man, I am. I know my place.
Stick to the straight and narrow.
Course, that's something you wouldn't understand.
- Wouldn't I? - I'll tell you something.
You get some little slut into trouble, don't you come running to me for help.
Oh, you can talk, can't you, Frank?
- You what? - Look at me.
Born in wedlock you was, right and proper.
Only just.
See ya later, Dad.
(door closes)
Oi! Oi, prat!
Got a fag?
What, do I light it on my arse or summat?
- Where are you off to? - Nowhere.
- Been playing out? - No.
(spits) Are you talking to me, chewing a brick or gnawing a lamppost?
Either way you lose your teeth.
- Come on. - Where are you going?
See Hayley.
You!
(door closes)
- Pressed it. - What?
- I pressed it. - All right.
You all right?
I'm all white. You all white?
(scoffs)
I'm going down.
(scoffs)
You shit?
- No. - Well, I ain't.
Funny, innit?
- Eh? - B-C.
- Don't fuck with me. - Don't point. It's rude. Don't you know that?
You rass.
What's he say?
I don't understand him.
You is an idiot.
- I ain't an idiot. - Eh?
- COXY: You are. - What?
You're a bleeding idiot.
Oi, wanna hear a joke?
What's the difference between a coon...
- Fuck off! - Come here if you think you're bad.
You dirty peelhead rass, you.
- I'll have you. - Come on then!
- Get cancer! - You rass.
MAN; Yo!
COXY: Come on.
MAN: Yo! (Continues, indistinct)
(Coxy slams door)
You all right?
- Is your mum in? - No. Do you wanna come in?
Oi, wally, come on in.
Come on!
(girl shouting)
All right. All right, Rusty.
- Just had a bet. - MARK: What on?
- On a llama race. - A what?
Llama race. They race llamas now, you know.
- No. You're winding me up. - No, they do.
- Where? - Race 'em in Egypt, don't they?
- Yeah? - Have live satellite coverage.
(scoffs)
You're all right, you are.
L like ya.
You're a right tasty geezer.
You're my mate.
We're mates, ain't we?
We're one of the lads.
You wanna get one of these. Better than that thing.
You're like a mod in that.
Get one of these, pair of Doc Martens.
Looks like a hard nut, don't he?
- COLIN: How much? - What?
Doc Martens.
Twenty quid.
- You got 20 quid? - I might have.
Oh, yeah, in your dreams. You ain't got 20 pence.
Do you mind getting your boots off the sofa, Cox?
What you looking at?
- Nothing. - You screwing me out.
No.
You was screwing me out.
Weren't ya?
Do you like me? (Chuckles)
He's my mate over there.
We here to do you over.
I don't like people screwing me out.
Winds me up. I do things to 'em.
Nasty things.
Do you wanna know what I do?
To people... who screw me out.
Shall I show ya?
Huh?
I nick their cushions.
Look, look. It's gonna cry now, is it?
Is it gonna cry?
It's gonna go and tell its mum.
Innit? Eh?
COXY: “Mam!” “What?”
“You know Coxy?”
“Yeah.
“He beat me up.
Yeah, he made me cry.
Yeah, I sat in the armchair, crying.”
Oi! Oi! Where are you going?
Oi!
What you mean, you not want it?
It's dirty.
So you can't take a piece of soap and water and wash it?
- It mush up. - Away in my shop. He can fix.
- It's secondhand. - “Secondhand.”
Me get it from me uncle in Fulham. It used to carryin' baby and everything, innit?
So how you can call it secondhand?
You'll have to take it away before my mum gets back.
- What it gotta do with her? - It's her house.
(scoffs)
- How you know she's not gonna like it? - It's rubbish.
- You have pram already? - No.
- You have money to buy a pram? - No.
All right, you have no money, me have no money.
A present from Uncle. So take it.
- You'll have to take it back. - Where I supposed to take it?
You know the sort of trouble I get myself in to bring this thing up here?
So me not take it back to get myself in any more. So take it.
No.
Don't want it.
- I want a new pram. - (scoffs)
(mutters) Jesus Christ.
Didn't mean to throw the cushion at you.
Did it hurl?
Got a hard head. (Laughs) Like me.
COXY: Was only having a laugh and a joke.
I know why you was upset.
'Cause I jumped on your table.
Here.
I'll polish it for you later.
With me head.
(chuckles)
Oh, look, look, look, look.
Look, it's smiling.
Look, it's laughing.
We still mates?
- Eh? - HAYLEY: Yeah.
COXY: Still like me?
Yeah?
Okay, I'll tell you what.
I'll get hold of Colin's coat, polish it with that.
Mr. Sheen.
What are you doing?
♪ Spider-man x
(whistles)
Oi! Wanker!
MAN: Coxy!
Go on, jump! I'll catch ya!
Stand down here then!
- Where's Hayley? - What?
Where's Hayley?
Who's that he's with?
I don't know.
It's your brother.
MAN: Throw him over!
COXY: Here you are! I'll chuck him down!
- I'm coming up. - COXY: No, you ain't.
- I am. - We ain't gonna let you in.
- Where's Colin? - MAN: He's gone home.
- Has he? - Yeah, he had to change his trousers.
No, he didn't.
- Had to go and polish his dad's car. - His old man ain't got a car.
- Yes, he has. - No, he ain't.
- Yes, he has. - No, he ain't!
- No, he ain't. - Yes, he has.
He's a funny bloke, isn't he?
Who? Tommy Cooper?
Nah. No, Colin.
(Coxy laughing)
- MAN: You all right, Colin? - (laughing)
Look at it. Look at it. All well now. Look.
- (laughing continues) - Right, Hayley?
Right, Colin?
Right, Coxy? (Laughing)
Colin, hurry up.
(door opens, closes)
- MAVIS: Where you been? - Who's in there?
- Who do you think? - Come on, Frank.
- Eh? - Oh, it's him, is it?
Yeah. Been in there half the night.
Come on, Colin. Have I got to bust this door down?
You don't want to threaten him, you know. He's got mates in high places. Ain't ya?
What you doing in there anyway, eh?
- He's having trumpet lessons. - What?
Ain't ya, Kermit? You got a horn in there.
- Hurry up! - Go on.
Kick the whole place down, why don't ya.
What's the matter, Colin? You got your zip stuck or something?
- I'm next. - Yeah, I know you're bleeding next.
- MARK: I just had a really horrible hamburger. - MAVIS: Serve you right.
- Right, Colin. That's it. Out you come. - (toilet flushing)
- Has he got the runs, has he? - MAVIS: Stupid.
- Just in time. - Come on. Out.
- Don't you get settled in there either. - Shut up!
He just walked right through me.
Did you have a good laugh today, did ya?
Have a right giggle?
What'd you do, bash up a few three-year-olds?
- Or did you get run by a load of Pakis? - (toilet flushing)
Well, tell us, Super Frog.
Don't stink it out, Frank.
- Well, what's it like then? - What?
Having tough mates.
Eh?
Can I be in your gang?
When I grow UP!
Muppet!
They oughta bring back national service.
That'd shake 'em up.
FRANK: Self. That's what it comes down to.
They're all out for themselves.
If I'd been old enough to do my time in the army, I'd be all right by now.
And you wouldn't be here, that's for sure.
(door opens, closes)
MAVIS: What's going on in here?
Go on. Out my kitchen.
(exhales)
Frank! Come here!
- Now what? - Frank!
- What you up to? - Quick, come here. I'm holding it.
Blimey, what you been doing?
- Here, hold on. Okay. - Hold that.
Well, let me get in there, will ya. Come on. Take your hand away then. Come on.
Yeah, all right, I've got it.
(grunts)
MAVIS: It's not in. FRANK: Course it's not in. I've -
Here we - That's it.
I've told ya, never open it!
- What do you expect me to do? Look at this. - What's that?
Can't you keep your eye on him for five minutes?
FRANK: I don't know what he gets up to, do I?
When are you gonna get them windows seen to?
Not till I've had a cup of tea.
He had double baked beans for his dinner.
(bell rings)
- What did he say? - I told you.
They're sending somebody round.
- When? - I don't know.
Sometime this afternoon.
- You sure? - Course I'm not sure.
- Well, didn't you ask him? - Course I bloody asked him.
- Well, what did he say? - I just told you.
They're sending somebody round.
Here, give us another cup of that tea.
- Give us a cup, Mum? - Shut up, you! You started all this!
FRANK: Not his fault.
- MAVIS: It is. - FRANK: Course it isn't.
He knows he can't fry eggs! The minute I turn my back...
Tried, didn't he? What do you want him to do, just sit there all day?
- (knocking) - Who's that?
That's them. They're here.
- Oh. Hello, Frank. - Oh, hello, Babs.
- Is Mavis in? - Eh?
- Oh, are you in on your own? - Oh, no, she's here.
Oh, good. Lovely.
- Where are you all? - MAVIS: In here.
- Oh, just in time for a nice cup of tea. - Yeah.
- (Barbara sighs) - Been up Mum's?
Yeah, I just popped round for a couple of hours.
- You been up there lately? - No, I haven't.
No, she said she hadn't seen you.
- I've been busy. - Oh, have you?
- Have you been to bingo this afternoon? - Yeah.
- Did you win? - No.
Never mind. Wait till you hit the jackpot.
What Jackpot? - (Sighs)
Hello, Colin. How are you?
All right.
Better have this one then.
Smashing. Waitress service.
- What have you been up to then? - Nothing.
FRANK: As usual.
(exhales) Still out of breath from your stairs.
You want to watch yourself round here.
- Where's your brother then? - COLIN: Out.
- FRANK: Good-looking girl like you. - Where's he gone?
Don't know.
- Don't you ask him where he goes? - No.
Wouldn't be no point. He wouldn't tell you anyway.
Yeah, all right, Frank.
I tell you what. It's not your mum and dad I've come to see at all really.
I've come to see you.
Yeah? Why? What's he been up to?
If you hang on a bit, Frank, you'll find out.
Oh. Got secrets now then, have we?
Ah, well, that'd be telling, wouldn't it?
- (door opens) - MAN: Frank.
All right.
What you doing Monday?
- Nothing. - What about Tuesday?
Nothing.
Right.
- Hi. - Oh. Hello.
Hello there.
MAN: Okay.
So...
window trouble.
Yeah?
- I beg your pardon. - No, our windows.
The kitchen window.
Oh!
In here.
Oh, right.
- BARBARA: Sorry. - MAN: It's okay.
- What's the problem then, Frank? - Oh, just a bit of bother.
Nothing for you to worry about.
Yeah, I'd watch yourself there. We had that lot right out.
Guess what.
What would you say if I was to tell you I might have found you a job?
Well, I have.
You don't believe me, do you?
I have. I've found you a job.
What about this one?
That one's all right for the minute.
Okay.
Bedroom, yeah?
Uh, yeah, that one got stuck. I don't know how.
You're gonna come and help me do a bit of painting and decorating at my house.
Come on, mind your legs out the way.
That's it. Let's have a little snuggle on the settee.
Now, these are the terms of your employment.
You do a seven-hour day.
That's 10:00 a.m. to 5:00 p.m., with a one-hour lunch break, right?
Wages, I'll give you one pound 20 an hour
plus four pounds per day to cover your return fares, right?
That's fair, isn't it?
Well, it is.
That's the bathroom.
Yeah, I know it's the bathroom.
Only trouble is though,
I won't be able to stamp your card and give you any luncheon vouchers.
Frank!
- What do you want for your lunch? - Beef burgers.
Oh. Don't like fish fingers?
- Yeah. - Oh, good.
Yeah, this one is bad.
That's what I told you. You don't have to come up here to see that.
The whole block's the same.
And anyway, what's that scaffolding doing out there?
It's part of the estate redevelopment project, okay?
Yeah. Been up there five weeks.
- How many people sleep in this room? - Two boys.
- Boys, yeah? - Yeah.
Bit small, yeah?
Do they like sharing a room?
- We haven't asked them. - No.
I think you should.
We've got chairs, you know.
Yes, I was gonna say.
It just takes practice, yeah?
Won't do your knees any good. You wait till you're old.
We're all old.
We're all young, yeah?
I don't like chairs.
Yeah, well, what about these windows then?
Windows are good.
You know, light, space.
You said they was rotten.
(chuckles)
Yeah, okay.
The kitchen window and the small bedroom window,
they'll be treated as emergencies, yeah?
Oh, emergencies. I'm glad someone's awake.
They'll be dealt with by our emergency repair service, okay?
Oh, lovely.
So you're gonna send a couple of blokes around?
- Yeah. - BARBARA: When?
Soon.
Yeah, well, how soon?
Very soon.
As soon as they can, okay?
When's that?
Tonight. Tomorrow. Who knows?
Now, look, I'm not gonna be held responsible for that lot crashing on somebody's head.
You better tell them to get their finger out.
How long have you been living here?
I don't know. What's that got to do with anything?
- Been here 19 years, Frank. - No, we haven't.
Yes, you have.
1964 you moved here.
We haven't been here that long.
No, he was six months. It'd be '63.
I was 18.
It was my first year at college.
- College, yeah? - That's right.
It's just frightening when you remember how long ago it was now though.
- Did you study? - Yeah, did a typing course, didn't she?
No, I did a secretarial course.
Oh, yeah. Sorry.
And economics.
Ah. Economics.
- That's right. - Right.
The study of money, yeah?
BARBARA: Yes, and other things.
Yeah.
Power.
Economics is the study of law, mercantile law, commerce,
market forces, supply and demand, banking, insurance.
Screwing who you can.
- Power, yeah? - Right.
Economics in itself doesn't mean power.
Economics is only the study of a system, isn't it?
- How a system works. - FRANK: Oh, yeah.
A system based on power, okay?
Yeah, but you can't run a country without some sort of fiscal policy.
- You like money, yeah? - Of course she does.
Yeah, well, we all like money, don't we?
You believe in money, yeah?
Well, money's not something you believe in or not.
Money's a fact of life.
What's the facts of life got to do with it?
I don't know, Frank. You tell me, eh?
Money's got no value in itself.
Money only represents the goods you can buy with it.
You got to have money. Otherwise we'd be back to bartering.
We'd be running around the bush with no clothes on.
Charming.
You use money.
I eat food, yeah?
Right. Well, you've got to pay for it, haven't you?
No.
- Well, what do you buy it with? - You grow it, yeah?
You don't grow your own food.
I will.
Well, don't talk to me about money. I used to work in a bank.
I tell you, there's three things you should never argue about-
it's politics, religion and money.
Especially with a woman.
Colin, put that arm back.
FRANK: Right, that's that then. Ta very much.
Do you want me to go?
Unless you want to stay the night.
Yeah, get your mates up, why don't ya?
Okay.
Our job is to help you, yeah?
And it helps us to help you if you help us, okay?
An anthill, yeah?
An anthill, which can be as big as a man, as big as three men,
begins as a single grain of sand, okay?
Time passes, the single grain becomes the anthill, okay?
It's like repairs, you know?
Small things become big things.
And what I'm saying is
it helps us if you tell us about the grain of sand, okay?
Don't wait to tell us about the anthill, yeah?
Okay.
Colin!
Life is too short, okay?
Oh, well, I better make the most of it while I'm still here then, eh?
Excuse me.
I'm just gonna spend a penny.
- We got ants? - What?
Now, you want the central line going eastwards.
From the Hainault train - Get off the train at Hainault.
Cross the platform and get on the other train.
But from the Epping train,
you get off the train at Woodford, cross the platform
and get the train to Chigwell, right?
Hold on, hold on.
Now what's the problem, Frank?
Well, it wants talking about, don't it?
All right. Let's talk about it now then.
It's not a real job.
Of course it's a real job. I'm giving him real wages.
One pound 20 an hour? Call them real wages? You must be joking.
You have any idea how much a decorator gets these days?
He's not a decorator, is he? He's never done it before.
He can't fry an egg, never mind decorate a bedroom.
Oh, lovely. Thanks, Frank.
We all like a bit of encouragement now and again.
Look, as far as I'm concerned, it is a proper job.
At least it's better than nothing, isn't it?
What about signing on?
I don't know. We'll have to organize something.
Colin tells me when he's got to go, I'll give him the morning off.
What if they find out?
Well, how are they gonna find out, Mavis?
Unless Frank goes down and reports him first thing Monday morning.
Don't be stupid. Anyway, suppose he gets a proper job.
Oh, yeah, so where's he gonna get a proper job?
Why shouldn't he get a job? He has as much right to a job as anybody else.
I know that, Frank.
This is only a stopgap. Anyway, he's doing me a favor.
Yeah, that's just it. He's doing you a favor.
And what's wrong with that, Frank?
I think the world might be a happier place
if we all helped each other a little bit, don't you?
Well, don't expect him to do it for nothing.
No, I don't. That's why I'm giving him a wage packet.
MAVIS: Thought you said you was moving.
Yeah, well, we might be. You've still got to decorate, haven't you?
It's no excuse to live in squalor.
Now, when you come out of the tube, you turn right,
and there's a church on the corner with a spire.
Do you know what a spire is?
It's the pointy bit on top.
That's right. You're not as daft as you look, are you?
- Nah. - Yeah, he takes after his mother.
Then all you've got to do is turn left, walk down there,
and there's my house on the right.
All right?
You know what it looks like, don't you?
Yeah, same as all the others.
You're having a bath tonight.
- What for? - Yeah.
With the Radox. He's going clean and tidy, I mean it.
What's the point of that?
Put a clean shirt out for him.
He isn't going to a bloody wedding.
MAVIS: I'm not having him showing me up.
He's doing a job of work. What do you wanna go poncing him up for?
I want you in bed by 11:00, asleep.
Sounds like the ruddy army.
How much you getting paid?
I told you, one pound 20 an hour.
I've heard it's 60 pence an hour.
- Well, you heard wrong. - None of your business.
- Well, that's right, isn't it, Mavis? - He's giving me half.
- No, I ain't. - Yes, you are.
It's my money.
- Hold up. It's a bit steep, isn't it? - It's fair.
It's not fair.
What you gonna do, paint it green, Kermit?
- MAVIS: You leave him. He'll do it. - FRANK: He'll be all right.
You can't be serious, can ya?
- FRANK: What's it got to do with you? - MAVIS: Yeah.
- It's got a lot to do with me. - Like what?
- He's my brother! - Oh, yeah.
Full of brotherly love, you are.
He'll make a fucking berk of himself.
FRANK: How do you know?
She must take us lot for a right bunch of mugs.
- COLIN: Just 'cause she didn't ask you. - It's nothing to do with that.
- Yes, it is. - It is.
- Right. - MARK: On, right.
I wanted to paint her walls.
- COLIN: My job. - I know it's your job.
- I'm getting paid for it. - Well, who's the lucky boy then?
I'm gonna get a pair of Doc Martens.
- No, you're not. - Yes, I am.
- Yeah, you'll be a real man then, eh? - That's right.
FRANK: Why don't you leave him alone, eh?
You won't leave him alone after he's made a sucker of himself.
You'll persecute him.
(water running)
- Why don't he take this with him tomorrow? - You put that back!
Then when he finishes the job, you can buy him a new set of brushes.
- I'm eating my dinner. - I know. I can hear ya.
I'm a painter and decorator.
Don't go, dobbin.
Why not?
It ain't good for you.
Why's that?
Who does he think he is?
Ernie Wise?
Don't you take no notice of him.
I'm not.
(grunting)
N' (stereo: Banjo)
N' (fiddle joins in)
(doorbell rings)
Where are you?
Come on, Colin.
- Oh, hello. - I'm a Jehovah's Witness.
Where's Colin?
- I don't know. Ain't he here? - No.
Come on. What are you two playing at?
He should be here by now. He left eons before me.
- Did he? - Yeah.
Anyway, what are you doing here?
- Well, I come to visit ya. - Oh.
That's a bit of a coincidence, isn't it?
Make us a cup of tea then.
No. You stay here. I'm gonna get my coat.
BARBARA: That's it. Now, you keep an eye out for him that side.
And I'll look out for him on this side, all right?
No, you keep a look out for him this side, and I'll look out for him that side.
Yeah, all right, Mark.
- There he ain't! - Where?
Oh, look, don't do that, Mark. It's dangerous.
Are you sure he didn't know you were coming out here today?
No, it wouldn't have made any difference if he did.
Well, I think it would, wouldn't it?
I'm gonna tell you the truth, Mark.
I'm a little bit annoyed with you coming out here this morning.
It's a social call.
- Well, it's very nice to see you, Mark. - It's very nice to see you too.
See, the point is, I was offering this job to Colin.
Look, I don't want his poxy job.
You ought to let him do something on his own for a change.
You only want him down here so you can boss him about.
I won't boss him about. You do.
MARK: What's that, a block of flats?
BARBARA: No, it's a police station.
Would he know to go in in there and ask if he was lost?
Leave it out. The ol' bill station? He ain't that silly.
Go on then.
Make sure you have a good look on the platform as well.
All right?
Have you seen a bloke come in here with a blue coat?
Bloke with a blue coat.
Under a train.
What's that down there?
That's him, isn't it?
- Ain't him. - Yes, it is.
Bless him. Where's he been to then?
Look, he's playing hide-and-seek.
Hello, muppet.
(car door opens)
Better dead than late.
Come on. Wind your window up. Make sure you lock the door.
You all right?
Come on. Give us a kiss. (Kisses)
Well, I'm glad to see you all in one piece.
Thought we were gonna have to scrape you off the road, eh.
Come on, Colin. Your coffee's getting cold.
It's all right, isn't it, starting work your first morning with a tea break.
You're a good boss.
I am a good boss, yeah. There's a lot of people like to work for me.
- That's what I've heard. - Oh, what have you heard?
- A lot of people would like to work for you. - Oh.
- Where'd you hear that then? - You just told me.
Oh, yeah. Well, you don't wanna believe everything you hear, do you?
Colin, you got five minutes.
- Do you know who you remind me of? - No.
Tell me, Mark.
Princess Anne.
Oh! What, do you think I look like her?
Yeah, a bit, but you sound like her.
- I don't sound like Princess Anne. - You do.
No, I don't.
What, do you think I sound posh?
Well, you try to, like everybody else round here.
I don't try to sound posh.
I've never tried to change the way I speak.
Well, you don't talk like Mavis.
Oh.
That's 'cause I did elocution lessons when I was at college.
You never knew that, did you?
In them days, people didn't want to employ you unless you spoke nicely,
especially at a bank in the city.
Can't pick up the phone to a customer and say, “Watch your cock.
What can I do for you then, eh?”
- Can't ya? - No.
You have to say...
“Good morning.
This is the National Westminster Bank. May I help you, please?”
What about in the afternoons?
Oh, well, you'd have to use your imagination then, didn't you?
Colin, your coffee's stone cold now.
You've missed it. You won't get another one before lunchtime.
Come on. Wanna come upstairs?
I'll show you my new wallpaper, right? You can tell me if you like it.
Colin?
What's the matter? Aren't you speaking to me?
What's the matter?
Don't you want to help me do my decorating?
It's not because Mark's here, is it?
I didn't know he was gonna be here.
I thought you knew.
I've got some lovely overalls for you to wear. Make you laugh.
Pair of your Uncle John's old pajamas.
You'll look smart then, like me, eh?
Come on.
What's the matter?
You tell me what's wrong.
Listen, you're the one I'm employing.
Mark's only here on a social visit.
- Is he? - Yes.
He'll only be here today. We'll have the rest of the week to ourselves.
Got you a nice treat for your lunch.
I know he's ugly. We don't have to look at him, do we?
You gonna wear your DM's with Uncle John's pajamas, are ya?
- What's DM's? - Dr. Martens.
- What are they, throat lozenges? - No, they're boots.
Oh!
It's what skinheads and hooligans wear, isn't it?
Oh, they'll suit you then, eh?
I've grown out of mine.
Oh, I'm glad to hear it.
- Yeah, by the way, Auntie Barbara. - Yes, little Mark?
Why ain't Uncle John doing the decorating? I thought he was a do-it-yourself expert.
Well, he's at work, isn't he?
What about after work and the weekends, like he used to?
Yeah, well, he's too busy at the moment.
- What, don't he want to do it then? - I'm doing it.
We're doing it together, aren't we, Colin?
MARK: Who's a lovely boy then, eh?
What's the matter?
How comes you never had no kids, Auntie Barbara?
Come on. We're gonna go upstairs and get started now, all right?
- I asked you a question. - Yeah, I know. I heard you, Mark.
I was just a bit frightened they might grow up like you.
Thought I'd wait and see what you turned out like before I risked it, eh?
Keep your feet off my furniture as well, please.
Come on, Colin. We're wasting time.
I'm gonna go up and get started now,
'cause we've got a lot to do before lunchtime.
Now, if you want this job, you can come up,
and we'll start moving this furniture into the front room.
If you don't want it, that's all right.
Just come up to me and say, “I'm sorry, Auntie Barbara.
I've changed my mind. I don't want to do the job now.”
All right?
Uncle John don't know you've asked him to do the decorating, does he?
What's that got to do with it?
Oh, that's good, isn't it, Kermit? He don't know.
Yeah, well, he doesn't have to know everything I do.
What's gonna happen when he comes home from work then?
He won't mind. It's up to me. It's my house.
Yeah, but it's his house as well.
Come on, Colin. I'm going upstairs now, so you follow, eh?
Don't Uncle John love Auntie Barbara no more?
Don't think anybody loves Auntie Barbara no more.
You know your trouble, Mark Pollock? You're too smart for your own good, you are.
Come on, Colin. I'm sorting out the paintbrushes now.
Are you coming?
Where?
Let's go home.
What, are you staying here?
Fair enough.
Well, go on. Up you go.
Get your paintbrush and your Milky Way.
Go on.
What's the matter?
Do ya want me to come up there with you and help ya?
It's my job.
Why don't you shut up about your job?
You're like some selfish little kid who won't let his brother play with his ball.
- I ain't selfish. - You are. You're a greedy pig.
No, I ain't.
You think I've come to nick your job, don't ya?
Yeah.
You're well wrong.
Why are you here then?
It's principles.
What's that?
Things that don't grow on trees, right?
It's what Mum and Dad ain't got, right, and this house ain't got.
Something you acquire.
That's why I wouldn't nick your job...
muppet.
I ain't no muppet.
All right.
I take it you don't want this job then, Colin.
Is that right?
Well, you've let me down really, haven't you?
Never mind.
I think it might've been nice if you could've come to me in the first place
and told me you didn't really want to do it, eh?
Still, you didn't, so that's that.
You've sort of wasted everyone's time really, haven't you?
Never mind.
What are we having for lunch then, Auntie Barbara?
We were gonna have fish fingers.
Didn't think fish had fingers.
Oh, well, you know now, eh?
(children chattering outside)
There you go.
Well, you better go with him, hadn't you?
You're his minder.
I didn't think you let him go anywhere on his own, eh?
Do you think he'll be all right?
What do you think?
Yeah. Probably will.
It's all right, this room, anyway.
Just as well, isn't it?
Better than our room at home.
Oh, well.
Perhaps I'd better come and decorate for you next time, eh?
How far's the city away from here?
About 12 miles.
It's funny. I thought the world was round.
No. It's flat.
Think I'd better be going soon.
Yeah. All right.
Hello.
All right.
Hello, Col.
What do you want?
Are you all right?
- Can I come in? - No.
I'm not dressed properly, am I?
My mum's out.
Look, I'll see you, all right?
(door closes)
- Where's Colin? - He's doing his job, ain't he?
MAVIS: Auntie Barbara's. Where do you think?
Oh, yeah. He's a painter and decorator.
Where you been?
Auntie Barbara's.
Stupid.
Serves you right for asking him a straight question.
- But I have. - Don't be daft.
Went up there, come back. Mission accomplished.
It really got your goat, eh, 'cause she didn't ask you.
- I ain't got a goat. - I know why she didn't and all.
FRANK: Yeah, no respect.
Look at him. Look at the state of his hair.
Look how you carried on last time we was down there.
- That's it. He's not coming again. - Right.
I know. I did act like a yob.
Yeah, you did.
You gotta take your hats off to 'em, really, though, ain't ya?
You what?
Getting out of this area.
New life,
respectable friends,
higher standard of living.
All you gotta do is look at 'em together.
Picture of happiness.
Have you got through all that today?
No.
Yeah.
Well, you must be feeling very merry.
I'm feeling very merry.
Are you feeling merry, Jumbo?
A little bit tired, that's all.
Oh, dear.
All right. What's wrong?
Nothing.
I want you to tell me what's going on.
Is that an order?
I just want to know, that's all.
You're not talking to the office juniors now, John Lake,
guv'nor.
Don't be silly.
What's all this decorating material doing here?
What decorating material?
I'm not prepared to play games with you, Barbara.
Not playing games.
All right. Fair enough.
Have you ever fancied anyone, John?
- What? - Have you?
Ever fancied anyone?
What do you mean?
Since we've been married.
Not in that sense, no.
What sense is that?
In the sense I take it you mean it.
Oh. Ls there more than one sense to fancy somebody?
Wish I'd known.
Been missing out, haven't I?
Well, you're obviously upset about something.
Yeah, obviously am, aren't I?
We can talk about if afterwards, if you like.
Thank you.
What's for supper?
Nothing.
You know what I think?
What do you think?
I think you're suffering from premenstrual strain.
- Tension. - Tension.
What, you think I'm getting old?
I didn't say that.
That's what husbands say to their wives
when they think they're going through the change of life.
- Is that what you think? - No, of course not.
I'm getting old?
Look, Barbara, if you're tired, just say so, and I'll cook supper.
I rather fancy some bacon and eggs.
Fuck off!
She giving him his tea out there, is she?
I don't know. Don't ask me.
I'm not getting it anyway. It's too late. He's missed it.
- Is that John driving him home? - No.
How do you know?
If he's gone to the pub, I'll bloody murder him.
It's not his way, is it?
Anyway, it's his money.
Give 'em a ring. Go on. The number's up there.
She's your sister, ain't she?
No, I'm not going out now.
- (door closes) - Colin?
Is that you?
How's the working man then?
Colin!
Covered in paint, I bet.
How did you get on then, eh?
Knackered, are ya? (Chuckles)
It's not the same as hanging around all day, doing a hard day's work, eh?
Ain't got no paint on your trousers.
Come on then, tell us.
I ain't been out there.
What you mean, you ain't been out there?
Oh, blimey.
- Did you forget what day it was, did ya? - No.
I know what you've been up to.
You've been out with your mates, fart arsing around, ain't ya?
- No, I ain't. - MAVIS: What's going on in here?
- He ain't been there. - He what?
Where you been? Eh?
Colin? I'm talking to you.
You get lost, did you? You got on the wrong train or something?
- Where you been all day then? - He did go.
- Shut up. - Pipe down, will you?
You get your money, eh?
FRANK: Come on then, tell us. How come you ain't been there?
I have been there.
- You just said he hadn't been there. - That's what he told me, wasn't it?
Look, what you been playing at?
I know what's happened. She's got someone else in, ain't she, eh?
- Some cut-price merchant. - You mess it up?
- She told you she didn't want ya? - Colin!
- She send you home, did she? - Look, I'm talking to you!
- Who else was there with ya? - MAVIS: Shut up!
- FRANK: Be quiet. - You was.
- FRANK: Who was? - He was.
What, him?
You been out there?
Have ya?
Told ya.
What's been going on?
MAVIS: What do you wanna go out there for?
FRANK: What you been up to?
Nosy bloody parker.
- What you been saying to him? - Get out my way.
- Don't you push me. - Shut up!
What's he been doing, eh?
He mess it up for you?
Colin, I'm talking to you. Get your bloody foot off there!
- Don't hit him then. - FRANK: What do you think you're doing?
- MAVIS: Get off of it! - No!
Colin! Look at me. Take that bloody coat off.
Well, come on, tell us.
What's the matter with ya?
Sod him then. I've had him up to here.
Sod the pair of 'em.
That really got up your nose, didn't it, eh?
- What? - Him getting that job.
Some poxy job.
What do you know about jobs?
Only job you ever had, you jacked it in after five minutes!
When was the last time you got off your arse and went down the job center then, eh?
It's not my fault I ain't got no job!
Well, it ain't my fault I ain't got no job, right?
I'm not talking about you. I'm talking about him.
Well, shut up then!
Look at him. He ain't got much.
Soon as he gets something, you gotta take it away from him.
- What do you care anyway? - You what?
You don't give a monkey's about us.
Oh, that's rich, isn't it, eh?
Twenty years of clothing you, feeding you,
wiping your noses, wiping your arses.
What are you talking about? When did you ever wipe their arses?
I was the breadwinner, wasn't I? It comes down to the same thing.
- You was never there. - All right, Joan of Arc. Thank you very much.
- Shut up! - You shut up.
FRANK: Colin? It's all right.
You don't have to worry.
We'll square things with your auntie and you can go back there tomorrow, okay?
No, I ain't going.
- But that's what you want, isn't it? - No.
What about the money?
What about them boots then?
Don't know what he wants. Leave him. He's useless.
Oh, I don't know.
Bye-bye.
All right then, smart arse.
You tell me how come he jacked that job in.
- Don't matter why. Just did, all right? - What's that supposed to mean?
Don't ask me. Ask him, you rollock!
If I'd have talked to my old man like that,
I'd have been out that window like bloody lightning!
- Shut up! - You talking to me?
Yeah!
Eh?
It's my room! Get out!
All right?
You gonna give us five minutes?
You wanna be like him?
Fine.
MARK: Excuse us.
(door closes)
You all right?
All right?
How comes you ain't got your best gear on?
Changed, didn't I?
What, you come home?
Yeah.
Where'd you go then?
Nowhere.
Come on, tell us.
I love ya.
Did you come home on the train?
- Yeah. - Did you bunk it?
No.
Never mind, eh.
Had your tea?
No.
What, didn't want none?
You hungry?
Starving.
I'm leaving.
What?
I can't handle this.
It's doing my brain in.
Where you going?
Anywhere.
Want a snout?
All right.
Two left.
Leave 'em. Let 'em stew in their own juice.
(water splashing)
(Spits)
Take that coat off.
Colin.
Don't be daft. You'll be baking in there.
Go away!
- Do you egg on toast, yeah? - Don't want nothing.
Thought you said you was hungry.
You gonna sleep in that coat?
Yeah.
I see Doggy today-
Asked me to play five-a-side football, didn't he?
Down Hackney.
I don't wanna play with that bunch of muppets though.
Why not?
They're useless, isn't they?
Keep getting beat.
Fancy some bird down there though.
Who?
I don't know her.
She's all right though.
You're gonna sweat in that coat.
You're gonna stink this room out, ain't ya?
(snoring quietly)
Did you have a good kip?
No.
Who made you do that? Coxy?
No.
Ain't got nothing to do with Coxy.
What, no one tells you what to do?
That's right.
How much it cost?
One pound 20.
My brother's a skinhead.
No, he ain't.
You sorry you had it done?
Don't know.
Yeah.
MAVIS: Colin!
You getting UP?
Do you a breakfast?
FRANK: Let him get his own.
They don't appreciate nothing. Don't do nothing for 'em.
- MAVIS: Shut up. - FRANK: You shut up.
What you having? Boiled egg?
Kojak.
Don't call me that.
Kojak.
(door closes)
FRANK: Come on then. Where's that tea?
MAVIS: Can't make it boil any faster.
MARK: Got a paper?
FRANK: Course I haven't. I ain't been out yet, have I?
MAVIS: Getting up now, is he?
- Mark? - Who?
Colin. Ls he getting up now?
MARK: Go and find out.
- MAVIS: Go and get him. - MARK: Go get him yourself.
FRANK: Let him get himself out here.